Archive for March, 2009

Eek. I bought a Mac.

Saturday, March 28th, 2009

I know, I know…. Mr. OpenSourceGuy… Mr. LinuxFiend… bought an ultra-closed Mac.

Well, given the choice… Mac or MS Windows… Mac.

I still have piles of Linux machines, and I dig them enormously. …but I have to say that I have found the Free and Open-Source Software available for Non-Linear Video Editing to be … sub-optimal. I was a booster for Cinelerra for a long time, and I’d jump back over in a second if I could get it to work reliably… but… I’ve wanted to do some significant video editing for a long time. I have hours of footage from my VisionQuest I need to edit. I have been unable to do it reliably under Linux.

So… FinalCut on a Mac or something else on MS Windows. FinalCut on a Mac.

The video NewsUndies have been recorded and edited on my Mac.

Do I love the Mac the way Mac lovers say I will? No. The UI is, in many respects, maddening. I’ve had a lot of trouble getting camcorders to work right with iMovie and FCE4.

I’m not convinced that “It just works” really works.

I find that generally, on generic hardware, Linux “just works” a lot better than Mac does.

But… for video… it’s working out OK for now.

Taking some time to smell the…

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

…beaver?

Yes. Some time ago the GF, her 2 munchkins and myself made a pilgrimage to the MOS, Boston, where they introduced me to an exhibit I’ve never seen before (and I’ve been there quite a few times over the years.

Check this out:

Har, har.

Buckle up, Spanky….

Wednesday, March 25th, 2009

Are you offended easily or under 18 years of age? If so, stop now. Please. I’m serious. Go check out the Wikipedia page on Mr. Rogers.

I just read (and yes, I know I’m behind the curve on this one) one of Patricia E. Bauer’s blog posts about Tropic Thunder, quite possibly one of the top-5 funniest movies of the last 10 years.

Patricia, I know you’re offended easily, but we’re going to get you started with some immersion therapy….

You can still turn back.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

If you don’t want to be offended by nasty language, turn back now!

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

I’m serious!

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Fuck you, Patricia E. Bauer, you whining, pointless cunt.

If we can’t speak honestly about our problems (or those of others, or society in general), we can’t address them honestly.

Nigger. See that. I said it. Not “N-word”. Nigger. I didn’t call anyone a nigger, I just said the word.

Fuck. Shit. Piss. Retard.

Retard fucks nigger shit; film at eleven.

Cunt. Bitch. Spineless. Credulous. Moron. Idiot.

Nigger is a word. People who are offended by its mere existence need something real to cry about. How come nobody gets all bent out of shape about words like “cracker”, “whitey”, “gray” and so on? Because they’re just words… like nigger and bitch.

Tits, Patty. Tits.

Are you still wincing, Patty?

You see, just because someone’s in a wheelchair or has an IQ of 48 does not excuse them, really, of anything. An asshole in a wheelchair is still an asshole. A dangerous retard in the White House is still dangerous.

Not every person is qualified for every job. Former Senator Max Cleland will likely not be performing any piano concerts at Carnegie Hall. It’s unfortunate, but it’s true. He knows it, I know it, and you know it. He may have been a great pianist before he went to Vietnam, but if he was, I’d say his best performances are behind him now. Why is it taboo to say it?

I have a learning disability, and there are some jobs I simply can’t do. Basically, any job that requires me to quickly and accurately assimilate what I see… I can’t do. I can see fine. Strangely, I still have the best-functioning eyes in my family. I could tell you what my girlfriend’s face looks like, but I couldn’t tell you what she was wearing. It’s sad, but it’s true. These are facts I have to live with every day. To be honest, if I couldn’t laugh about it, I’d probably cry about it.

Fag. Faggot. Shitheel. Douchebag. Holocaust. Genocide. Death. Cancer. Shell shock.

Come on, Patty… get with the program. You need to sing along with me, here…..

Tugg Speedman going “full retard” is part of a larger commentary on Hollywood. The joke doesn’t work, if every time they want to refer to the part of “Simple Jack”, they have to say, “of diminished cognitive capacity”. That would be part of a larger commentary on people like you, Patty.

All the best comedy is rooted, in one way or another, in tragedy. You, Patty, have become a tragic figure, and, as such, you are a comedic figure.

Nadya Suleman, is a pathetic waste of flesh, and a pointless being. That no one had the balls to say, “Nadya… y’know… you have 6 kids now, and no means of support… do you really think you need MORE kids?” .. or better still, “Nope, your done.”… is tragic. She, and her situation, and her choices welcome ridicule, parody and satire. Yes, almost any outcome will be unfortunate in one way or another… but it can be funny, too…

Again… you can laugh about it or cry about it. When you laugh about it, you acknowledge its absurdity, and maybe… just maybe… can start a dialog that can make things better. When you cry about it, you admit your helplessness.

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Monday, March 23rd, 2009

Announcing “NewsUndies: The Hiatus”

After 9 episodes, including a gag-reel clip-show and a straight commentary show, NewsUndies is taking some time off to spend more time with its family…

That’s not true.

The production effort is just too great for someone (as in just one person) with a life (and many other hobbies), doing this as a hobby to produce a three-to-five minute spoof newscast every day.

I plan to re-format NewsUndies as a weekly show, probably in the five- to seven-minute range, with weekly features, more like a magazine show. More details will be forthcoming.

For now, here’s the video announcement on YouTube:

See, I told you I needed a break… see if you can find the blooper in the closing titles….

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Friday, March 20th, 2009

Another very special NewsUndies… No headlines… just Bald-Faced Commentary.

NewsUndies Clip Show

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

“What?! After only 7 episodes, you’re wimping out and doing a clip show?!” The audience exclaimed.

“Yes,” said Paul, “It’s a lot of work doing a NewsUndies… especially considering I do them on work days, when I actually have to got to work, as well.”

So here’s today’s NewsUndies. It’s “NewsUndies from the Cutting Room Floor — A Very Special Clip Show”.

Enjoy.

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Wednesday, March 18th, 2009

NewsUndies for March 18, 2009… with Bald-Faced Commentary! About the Pope! Wow!

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Tuesday, March 17th, 2009

More of the news that shouldn’t be news….

…And hey, while you’re here…

You’d think that with all the computers and other gear I’ve got, I could fashion a … well… some sort of a device that would… show the copy… so I wouldn’t have to keep printing it out…

Well… I actually tried it out… The computer I do NewsUndies on has a webcam right above the display… I can have a little text editor window right under that… It looks creepy and unnatural. I’m not sure if it’s the eyeline, or what… Maybe it’s because I didn’t use any props… maybe it’s because I had to work the scroll wheel of the mouse to advance the copy… not sure…

The paper copy gives me a prop to futz with, makes the presentation a little more dynamic, and gets away from the weird “Ed Sullivan Stare”… This was something described by George Carling may years ago…. he was talking about all the weird acts Ed had had on his show… and what could have been weirder… one possibility he pointed out was just Ed staring back at you. … “How are you?”

There’s another aspect to this, and that is that the time I have to produce a NewsUndies is pretty tight. I usually do them before I go to work in the morning. I have to review the “fodder”… select and write 4 or 5 stories, do a couple rehearsals, do the actual read… usually twice… then edit, add titles, upload to YouTube and put a little wrapper here on UrsusPacificus… the whole thing takes about 3 hours. That’s dedication. I hope you appreciate it ;)

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Sunday, March 15th, 2009

…and the hits just keep on coming!

To get your own groovy Dummyhead shirt, visit the UP Kitsch Kave.

Well, I almost forgot…

Saturday, March 14th, 2009

Hey, guess what… It’s pi day! If ever there was a day for irrationality, this would be it! Sadly, the day almost passed unnoticed :(