Ursus Pacificus

Scream Horror! It’s Friday, the 13th!! Time for NewsUndies…

Yet another NewsUndies installment.

You can get the groovy shirt at The Ursus Pacificus Kitsch Kave

For those of you who either can’t read, or don’t have the time, here’s the latest abomination: Video NewsUndies!

For March 10, 2009, this is NewsUndies… All the news that shouldn’t be news. I’m Paul Tourville with these headlines:

The Catholic Church is uncertain how it feels about science. On Tuesday, March 3, the Vatican hosted an event promoting the idea that it isn’t down on Darwin, and doesn’t subscribe to “creationism” or “intelligent design”. Head of the Vatican’s Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, Cardinal William Levada, stated that Catholic Church doesn’t dispute scientific realities like evolution. He claimed there is a “wide spectrum of room” for both evolution and the idea of God as the start of it all. As one might expect, Cardinal Lavada did brand as “absurd” the notion put forward by Richard Dawkins, that the simple fact that evolution exists proves that God does not. Given the history of the Catholic Church, one might proceed with caution with regard to signing on for what the Church calls “absurd”.

Part-time lesbian and full-time loon Ann Heche is now officially back on the market. Her brief marriage to cinematographer Coleman “Coley” Laffoon has finally ended in a divorce nobody but Heche and Laffoon couldn’t see coming.

News outlets go bonkers over the 50th anniversary of the initial release of a doll. Wars, war-crimes, genocide, economic catastrophe, starvation, homelessness, skyrocketing unemployment, corruption, and who knows what all else is going on… A doll eats all their attention. What do you figure all that free publicity is worth to Mattel?

Irish Nationalism continues to be a source of joy and happiness for the Emerald Isle. Europe’s very own “Palestinian Problem” proves just as intractable. ….unless…..England just pulled out completely. Why this hasn’t occurred to them is one of the great mysteries. They were perfectly comfortable just pulling out of India, Pakistan, Rhodesia, and so on.

In other church news, Wigged-out parishioner Terry J. Sedlacek allegedly shot Rev. Fred Winters to death, mid sermon. One must wonder where God is when things like this happen… is He standing in line at the Starbucks?

With all the news that shouldn’t be news, I’m Paul Tourville.

There was a Facebook discussion I became privy to about the impending closure of Colonial IGA in downtown Niantic (the former location of Mitchell’s Market)… One of my FB friends offered a link to a story on the New London Day’s website about the store’s closing. I tried to comment, but i was not permitted… for whatever reason… it’s not relevant.

I was able to retrieve the comment I so lovingly wrote, and post it here for your benefit, if you are interested in the affairs of Downtown Niantic, CT.

As someone who grew up in Niantic, and has always, for good or bad, had a soft place in his heart for the town, I have to be honest. Niantic has nothing to offer young families, except costly schools and high property taxes.

The downtown is a dud, and has been since the casinos went in. Flanders, the next best thing (due to its proximity to I-95) has no character and nothing to offer.

There is no marketing vision for the town, to draw tourist trade. The beaches are lame, and as far as business goes, the only things that seem to settle in Niantic are beach-town-kitsch shops and pizza joints.

Grow a pair, Niantic! If you want to revitalize the downtown, then you need to make downtown vital! It’s not just about tourism, it’s about making Downtown Niantic a place what’s not only worth visiting, but worth returning to.

Make Niantic friendly to the people who hunger for what Niantic is uniquely positioned to offer. You could make Niantic the Kayak capital of Connecticut, for example, by offering excellent low- or no-cost launch facilities with adequate parking, and zoning breaks for businesses in the surrounding area.

I got my start kayaking in Niantic, and it’s a great place for it… you have the river, the bay and the sound, all accessible from Niantic waterfront… Exploit that reality, and draw the paddlers away from Old Lyme and Mystic, because Niantic has the better facilities and better access.

Kayakers are generally brand-conscious and have disposable income. Couldn’t you capitalize on that? Aren’t there some foreclosed properties the town could take over in, say, Pine Grove and/or Black Point, and sell them to marina developers to put in a “paddle-friendly park”, where there’s parking and needed facilities, but there’s also shopping for needed items, like nutrition bars, PFDs, bottled water, maps, paddles, maybe even boats… I dunno … put in a Subway… I’m just brainstorming here… and I don’t even have a vested interest in the town’s well-being anymore…. But I’ve been hearing about people whining about the impending demise of Niantic since the 70’s.

If Niantic REALLY wants to come back, it needs to make the downtown a place not only worth visiting, but worth returning to, again and again. Just for the record, Colonial IGA (formerly Mitchell’s) was not that.

As a post mortem, of sorts,, I currently live in Warwick, RI, because there is no decent-paying work in Niantic. You know what Warwick has? It has my job, my house and my kayak launch point. When, exactly, do I need to come to Niantic? I’ll tell you. To visit my father’s grave. I have 20 great years of memories in Niantic, but if that’s all Niantic has to offer me, I’m afraid my life has passed it by.

Well the Dummyhead guys have been in and out checking out how everything fits, and having their pictures taken.

Some of the new photos:

The new layout looks something like this:

The new studio layout does a lot to help reduce the apparent clutter in the room.. Much of this is accomplished through the “island” plan. The desk (which houses the D-3200 recorder and the computer), the drum kit, the organ, Paul’s guitar rig, Jim’s bass rig and practically all the mics are gathered aroud the center of the room, and all situated to have the performers facing “in”, rather than “out”. There are 4 vocal mic positions (one with a TalkBox tube), and mics on the bass amp and two guitar amps. The Hammond and the drum kit are wired straight into the D-3200 (stereo). There are headphone drops all over the place. Buck’s Epiphone amp is in the lower-left corner of the pic.

Any individual pic will not show the plan in its full glory, because the room is so small, but this arrangement makes what appears to be the best use of the available space, while still permitting walking room and space for sound to resonate, as needed.

Well, the fist major holiday in the history of the new religion I founded is coming up (details here), and I’m getting ready. The movie viewings are pretty straight-forward, but the barbecue requires more planning effort than I usually expend

Still, I’m working on it. I’ve got a grill…

…and that’s a good start, I guess

If, like David Byrne, you’re wondering, “Well, how did I get here?” (or if you’ve lost a ton on stocks in outfits like GM and AIG, you may ask yourself, “My god! What have I done?!”)

Well, as happens once in a lifetime, there is an answer:

The Crisis of Credit: Visualized

It’s a lovely, lively little video that explains the way things should have worked, and how they stopped working. Not once does it stop making sense.

Now, one must bear in mind that this was done as an art school project, and not an exercise in finance… so… is it right, or is it wrong? Well… I don’t know for sure, but it seems to line up with most of the other versions of the story I’ve heard.

Where does that highway go to? I’m not sure, but I think it goes through Van Horn, Texas.

Scott Martin, a long-time friend and collaborator of mine, has posted on Facebook that he thinks the year 2009 may be defective, and that he wonders if is still under warranty.

I thought this was wildly amusing, and a great jumping off point. I took the obvious next step:

Yes, hi, this is the warranty claims department. Yes. Well, it turns out that you decided not to get the “extended warranty” on your year. The limitations of the basic warranty are pretty … well… restrictive. Did you read the warranty terms? No? Do you have any evidence that you rang in the new year watching Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve? No? Well, that right there voided the warranty. I could go on, but that would just depress you. Here, let me transfer you to our legal department, as I suspect you may be in violation of 2009’s EULA, which you implicitly agreed to by living beyond 23:59:59 on December 31, 2008. Thank you for choosing Time for your event differentiation needs, and have a nice day.

Isn’t that the obvious next step?