First up, NewsUndies finally has kitsch of its own:
Then there’s the KayakKave’s new design:
Finally there’s the “something wicked” design;
Stop by and pick up a gift for the Significant Other or Wee Ones (if you have any).
As some of you may know (and the rest.. well, I guess this is where you find out), I’m quitting my job at “A Top-Tier Search Optimization and Search Marketing Firm”, and stepping off into the abyss of voluntary unemployment.
I have decided to take the summer off, lose some more bad habits and a bunch of weight, kayak like I should, finish the bathroom.. spend time on projects I’ve been deferring for years… then in the fall, enroll in a broadcasting mentoring program, with the hope of actually getting a job in broadcasting again.
My tent’s folded… I’ve got a couple things left to do, but it’s essentially over.
Wow.
Stephen Hawking is not at all well, according to this BBC report. Hardly surprising, considering considering he’s been living with “motor neurone disease” since the 60’s, and now he’s in his 60’s.
The thing I hate about this is that he’s been “ill” for 40 years. “Chest problems”?! What does that mean?! Have his ribs randomly re-arranged themselves?! Could we get some meaningful information, please?… OR… just shut up about it.
I hate being given these leading, teasing bits of gossamer… almost meaningless …information, and then being denied any substantial detail.
Well, for what it’s worth, I hope he gets what he wants.
Are you offended easily or under 18 years of age? If so, stop now. Please. I’m serious. Go check out the Wikipedia page on Mr. Rogers.
I just read (and yes, I know I’m behind the curve on this one) one of Patricia E. Bauer’s blog posts about Tropic Thunder, quite possibly one of the top-5 funniest movies of the last 10 years.
Patricia, I know you’re offended easily, but we’re going to get you started with some immersion therapy….
You can still turn back.
If you don’t want to be offended by nasty language, turn back now!
I’m serious!
Fuck you, Patricia E. Bauer, you whining, pointless cunt.
If we can’t speak honestly about our problems (or those of others, or society in general), we can’t address them honestly.
Nigger. See that. I said it. Not “N-word”. Nigger. I didn’t call anyone a nigger, I just said the word.
Fuck. Shit. Piss. Retard.
Retard fucks nigger shit; film at eleven.
Cunt. Bitch. Spineless. Credulous. Moron. Idiot.
Nigger is a word. People who are offended by its mere existence need something real to cry about. How come nobody gets all bent out of shape about words like “cracker”, “whitey”, “gray” and so on? Because they’re just words… like nigger and bitch.
Tits, Patty. Tits.
Are you still wincing, Patty?
You see, just because someone’s in a wheelchair or has an IQ of 48 does not excuse them, really, of anything. An asshole in a wheelchair is still an asshole. A dangerous retard in the White House is still dangerous.
Not every person is qualified for every job. Former Senator Max Cleland will likely not be performing any piano concerts at Carnegie Hall. It’s unfortunate, but it’s true. He knows it, I know it, and you know it. He may have been a great pianist before he went to Vietnam, but if he was, I’d say his best performances are behind him now. Why is it taboo to say it?
I have a learning disability, and there are some jobs I simply can’t do. Basically, any job that requires me to quickly and accurately assimilate what I see… I can’t do. I can see fine. Strangely, I still have the best-functioning eyes in my family. I could tell you what my girlfriend’s face looks like, but I couldn’t tell you what she was wearing. It’s sad, but it’s true. These are facts I have to live with every day. To be honest, if I couldn’t laugh about it, I’d probably cry about it.
Fag. Faggot. Shitheel. Douchebag. Holocaust. Genocide. Death. Cancer. Shell shock.
Come on, Patty… get with the program. You need to sing along with me, here…..
Tugg Speedman going “full retard” is part of a larger commentary on Hollywood. The joke doesn’t work, if every time they want to refer to the part of “Simple Jack”, they have to say, “of diminished cognitive capacity”. That would be part of a larger commentary on people like you, Patty.
All the best comedy is rooted, in one way or another, in tragedy. You, Patty, have become a tragic figure, and, as such, you are a comedic figure.
Nadya Suleman, is a pathetic waste of flesh, and a pointless being. That no one had the balls to say, “Nadya… y’know… you have 6 kids now, and no means of support… do you really think you need MORE kids?” .. or better still, “Nope, your done.”… is tragic. She, and her situation, and her choices welcome ridicule, parody and satire. Yes, almost any outcome will be unfortunate in one way or another… but it can be funny, too…
Again… you can laugh about it or cry about it. When you laugh about it, you acknowledge its absurdity, and maybe… just maybe… can start a dialog that can make things better. When you cry about it, you admit your helplessness.
There was a Facebook discussion I became privy to about the impending closure of Colonial IGA in downtown Niantic (the former location of Mitchell’s Market)… One of my FB friends offered a link to a story on the New London Day’s website about the store’s closing. I tried to comment, but i was not permitted… for whatever reason… it’s not relevant.
I was able to retrieve the comment I so lovingly wrote, and post it here for your benefit, if you are interested in the affairs of Downtown Niantic, CT.
As someone who grew up in Niantic, and has always, for good or bad, had a soft place in his heart for the town, I have to be honest. Niantic has nothing to offer young families, except costly schools and high property taxes.
The downtown is a dud, and has been since the casinos went in. Flanders, the next best thing (due to its proximity to I-95) has no character and nothing to offer.
There is no marketing vision for the town, to draw tourist trade. The beaches are lame, and as far as business goes, the only things that seem to settle in Niantic are beach-town-kitsch shops and pizza joints.
Grow a pair, Niantic! If you want to revitalize the downtown, then you need to make downtown vital! It’s not just about tourism, it’s about making Downtown Niantic a place what’s not only worth visiting, but worth returning to.
Make Niantic friendly to the people who hunger for what Niantic is uniquely positioned to offer. You could make Niantic the Kayak capital of Connecticut, for example, by offering excellent low- or no-cost launch facilities with adequate parking, and zoning breaks for businesses in the surrounding area.
I got my start kayaking in Niantic, and it’s a great place for it… you have the river, the bay and the sound, all accessible from Niantic waterfront… Exploit that reality, and draw the paddlers away from Old Lyme and Mystic, because Niantic has the better facilities and better access.
Kayakers are generally brand-conscious and have disposable income. Couldn’t you capitalize on that? Aren’t there some foreclosed properties the town could take over in, say, Pine Grove and/or Black Point, and sell them to marina developers to put in a “paddle-friendly park”, where there’s parking and needed facilities, but there’s also shopping for needed items, like nutrition bars, PFDs, bottled water, maps, paddles, maybe even boats… I dunno … put in a Subway… I’m just brainstorming here… and I don’t even have a vested interest in the town’s well-being anymore…. But I’ve been hearing about people whining about the impending demise of Niantic since the 70’s.
If Niantic REALLY wants to come back, it needs to make the downtown a place not only worth visiting, but worth returning to, again and again. Just for the record, Colonial IGA (formerly Mitchell’s) was not that.
As a post mortem, of sorts,, I currently live in Warwick, RI, because there is no decent-paying work in Niantic. You know what Warwick has? It has my job, my house and my kayak launch point. When, exactly, do I need to come to Niantic? I’ll tell you. To visit my father’s grave. I have 20 great years of memories in Niantic, but if that’s all Niantic has to offer me, I’m afraid my life has passed it by.
Well, the fist major holiday in the history of the new religion I founded is coming up (details here), and I’m getting ready. The movie viewings are pretty straight-forward, but the barbecue requires more planning effort than I usually expend 
Still, I’m working on it. I’ve got a grill…
…and that’s a good start, I guess 
Yesterday I mentioned the Colbert Report’s disappointing Wednesday performance. Today, I’m pleased to report that Jon Stewart did not disappoint last night.
Stewart’s guest, Randall Balmer, an author, Episcopal priest, and professor of American religious history, proved to be far more engaging, involved and entertaining than Steve Martin on Colbert. …and I just might find myself buying Balmer’s book, God in the White House: A History: How Faith Shaped the Presidency from John F. Kennedy to George W. Bush.
I said I might.
By the way, have you ever noticed the “anchor desk” on The Daily Show is shaped like a lower-case “j”?
OK, Nadya Suleman, 33, of Whittier, CA, gave birth to 8 children via scheduled C-section on January 26, 2009.
Octuplets.
That’s 8 more kids than I have. Her fist children? Oh, no… she has six (SIX!!!!) other children. That’s right. She’s 33 years old, and has 14 children. The Wikipedia article on the octuplets, which also goes into Nadya’s personal life and living situation, reads like a who’s-who punch list of symptoms requiring immediate and permanent institutionalization.
Mental case? You decide:
And now, and Open Letter to Nadya Suleman
Dear Nadya,
Nadya, you’re an idiot. You’re a lunatic. You’re the sort of person who’s bringing the human race to its knees. I don’t know what psychological issue you’re trying to quell by hoarding children, but what ever it is, seek help for it, and STOP BREEDING!!! If you choose to have more children in one birth than you can carry without special equipment, you’re an irresponsible imbecile. If you choose to bear more children than you can breastfeed simultaneously, you’re signing the rest up for a life of disappointment.
How can you possibly hope to feed, clothe, bathe, change, educate, and love all these children? There are only 24 hours in a day, and, eventually the world will lose interest in the fact that you have CHOSEN to have so many children. You will have to find a way to PAY for all the things your 14 children need.
And, since no one else seems to want to tell you this, I guess it’s my job. You are a cancer on humanity. In your lifetime, the human population of the Earth has jumped by almost 50%. There are people starving all over the world. The soil can’t support the necessary crops, the rains can’t provide enough water, and there’s no where near enough social support to sustain your level of breeding across the population.
What’s worse, is that you will receive media attention. The news media wouldn’t dare come right out and say, “She’s a dangerous and irresponsible lunatic, and all her children should be taken away.” Anything short of that will come across as either glorification or promotion as a sideshow freak. The women seeking glory will take away the glory message, and the women seeking attention at any cost will take away the freak message. Then, when the media’s lost interest in you, the checks will stop coming in. You will have gotten used to the rate of income, and will have squandered all that money on things you could never afford on your own, and a lifestyle you could never maintain without subsidy. You will be an otherwise forgotten footnote in medical history and your children will carry the mark of your idiocy to their graves.
You are sick, and need to stop having children.
Sincerely,
Paul Tourville
And now, and open letter to Kaiser Permanente
To whom it may concern,
I understand that the Hippocratic oath demands that you do no harm. In engineering there is an acronym: TINSTAAFL, which means, “There is no such thing as a free lunch.” This means that if you want light it will cost you electric current. If you want heat, it will cost you fuel.
To support Ms. Suleman in her quest to be The Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe is irresponsible, unethical, and just plain wrong.
I shudder to think what the birth and post-partum care bill (not the co-pay, the total bill) for this therapeutic misadventure will turn out to be, but I’m sure it will be in the millions. Who pays for that? The rest of us. There’s some harm.
While in the hospital, Ms. Suleman and her litter will be taking limited care resources from other more sensible people having only one child at a time. There’s some harm.
Ms. Suleman will then go home to her 1,500 square foot, three-bedroom home in Whittier, with her 14 children and 2 parents, and do what?! Give interviews? This woman has been pregnant for the last 7 years. What means of support for this brood does she possess? There aren’t enough waking hours in the day to care properly for 14 children as a single mother. She can’t possibly work, because she can’t possibly afford daycare. There’s some harm.
Ms. Suleman will put her neglected, ill-nourished children into public schools, where at least some of them are bound to be behavior problems, again, taking resources and opportunities away from the children of more sensible and responsible parents. There’s harm.
Eventually, the Suleman children will make their way into the workforce, seeking jobs that don’t exist. There’s some harm.
The Suleman children will, most likely, decide to each marry, and/or “start a family”, starting the cycle all over again. There’s some harm.
Finally, the Suleman children will age, and begin to put a strain on the healthcare system, requiring bushel-baskets of prescription drugs, likely for decades. Where does the money for that come from? Still more harm.
As politically incorrect as it may be to tell you this, you’ve done plenty of harm, by supporting Ms. Suleman in this effort, and not denying her fertility treatments after her second child.
Clearly, Ms. Suleman is not competent to take on a car loan, let alone raise 14 children on her own. In coddling and facilitating her through this narcissistic exercise (doing no harm in the micro context), you have doomed the rest of us to shoulder the burden of the care and feeding of her spawn (doing immeasurable harm in tha larger context), as well as having encouraged other, similarly inclined women, to pursue “love” and attention through competitive breeding.
You are guilty of malpractice, for you have harmed society, and recklessly endangered the human race by setting an example, and holding up the lunatic, Ms. Suleman, as a hero.
Shame on you.
Paul Tourville
And now, an open letter to the media
To whom it may concern,
Resist the urge. I beg you. Do not pay this woman a dime. You should be like a National Geographic expedition, hiding in a blind, using long lenses to document, but not interfere with the goings-on. Nadya Suleman should be treated like a lioness on the savanna, struggling to feed, shelter and raise her brood, succeeding or failing on her wits and merits alone.
To pay her is to interfere. It’s not news, then. It’s a freakshow. The lives of 14 children are at stake, but so is the life of the nation. To make this any more of a story than the face transplant in Ohio, a couple months ago, is to blow it out of proportion.
Coverage of this event should be little more than this:
“Octuplets. Wow. That’s a lot of babies. In other news…”
…unless, you’re willing to expose and explore the unsavory underside of excessive fertility… the impact on diet, psychology, education, healthcare and so on… The fact that there’s already far too many people in the world… that kind of thing… unless you’re willing to go there, this story belongs right next to the water-skiing squirrel.
I think the fact that she has retained a PR firm says it all. She has geared this up to be an industry. If you show up to feed at the trough, you’re all suckers.
Sincerely,
Paul Tourville
OK… Now, the guy’s dead… been dead for 23 years… and the incident I’m going to direct your attention to happened around 25 years ago… There’s a (big) part of me that admires Welles’s frankly expressed disgust with the ad copy he’s charged with reading
Check out this page and listen to the Orson Welles - Frozen Peas Spot.
Having worked in radio and having recorded hundreds of local spots and promos, I can attest to the frustration of trying (and being expected) to read clumsy, awkward copy written by ham-handed hacks. I also sympathize with Welles’s irritation with (what I assume to be) the session’s producer. Sure, the producer had been given a job to do: Have the fat man read the paper. In all likelihood, the producer had no control over the ad’s copy, and had no authority to edit it. Nevertheless, Welles was right. The copy did suck, and there was no way to read it properly. The question is a philosophical one: Does one play the sycophant, or does one tell the emperor that his wedding tackle is hanging out and refuse to compliment him on his new suit? It is, really, a moral issue, and speaks to one’s personal integrity.
Welles can be heard walking out of the session at the end of the clip. Good for him!